urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:happy_hour420 down in the hollow.. playing a new game les_tournesols 2008-06-19T01:29:31Z urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:happy_hour420:64254 2008-06-19T01:29:31Z 2008-06-19T01:29:31Z Imaya Dhammanu (By This Practice)<br />Dhamma Patipattiya (In Accord with the True Dhamma)<br />Buddham Pujemi (I Honor the Buddha)<br /><br />Imaya Dhammanu (By This Practice)<br />Dhamma Patipattiya (In accord with the True Dhamma)<br />Dhammam Pujemi (I honor the Dhamma)<br /><br />Imaya Dhammanu (By This Practice)<br />Dhamma Patipattiya (In Accord with the True Dhamma)<br />Sangham Pujemi (I Honor the Sangha)<br /><br />Aham Avero Homi <br />Abyapajjo Homi (May I Be Free from Danger/ Enmity)<br />Anigho Homi (Be Free from Mental Suffering)<br />Sukhi Attanam Pariharami (Take Care of Myself Happily)<br /><br /><br />Sabbe Satta (May All Beings)<br />Sabbe Pana (All Living things)<br />Sabbe Bhuta (All Creatures)<br />Sabbe Puggala (All Individuals)<br />Sabbe Attabhava Pariyapanna (All Personalities)<br />Sabba Itthiyo (All Females)<br />Sabbe Purisa (All Males)<br />Sabbe Ariya (All Noble Ones)<br />Sabbe Anariya (All Who Are Not Nobles)<br />Sabbe Deva (All Deities)<br />Sabbe Manussa (All Humans)<br />Sabbe Vinipatika (All Those in Unhappy States)<br /><br /><br />Avera Hontu (May They Be Free from Danger/Enmity)<br />Abyapajja Hontu (Be Free from Mental Suffering)<br />Anigha Hontu (Be Free from Physical Suffering)<br />Sukhi Attanam Pariharantu (Take Care of Themselves happily)<br /><br />Dukkha Muchantu May (They Be Free from Suffering)<br />Yatha Laddha Sampattito (May They Enjoy Safety and Abundance)<br />Mavigacchantu Kammassaka (Having Kamma as Their True Property)<br /><br />Sabbe Satta Sukhi Hontu (May All Beings Be Happy)<br /><br /><br />dam No Punna Bhagam (May This Merit of Ours Be Apportioned)<br />Sabba Sattanam (To All Beings)<br /><br /><br /><br />Sadu, Sadu, Sadu (Well Spoken, Well Spoken, Well Spoken) urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:happy_hour420:63892 2008-06-10T19:03:12Z 2008-06-10T19:03:12Z "What do any of us really know about love?" Mel said. "It seems to me we are just beginners at love. We say we love each other and we do, I don't doubt it. I love Terri and Terri loves me, and you guys lvoe each other, too. You know the kind of love I am talking about now. Physical love, that impulse that drives you to someone special, as well as the love of the other person's being, his or her essense, as it were. Carnal love and, well, call it sentimental love, the day-to-day caring about the other person. But sometimes I have a hard time accounting for the fact that i must have loved my first wife, too. But I did, I know I did. So suppose I am Terri in that regard. Terri and Ed." He thought about it and then he went on. "There was a time when I thought i loved my first wife more than life itself. But now i hate her guts. I do. How do you explain that? What happened to that love? What happened to it is what I'd like to know. I wish someone could tell me. Then there's Ed. Okay, we are back to Ed. He lvoes Terri so much he tries to kill her and he winds up killing himself." Mel stopped talking and swallowed frlom his glass. "You guys have been together eighteen months and you love each other. It shows all over you. You glow with it. But you both loved other people before you met each other. You've both been married before, just like us. And you probably loved people before that too, even. Terri and I have been together five years, been married for four. And the terrible thing, the terrible thing is, but the good thing, too, the saving grace, you might say, is that is something happened to one of us-excuse me for saying this-but if something happened to one of us tomorrow, I think the other one, the other person, would grieve awhile, you know, but then the surviving party would go out and love again, have someone else soon enough. All of this, all of this love we are talking about, it would be just a memory. Maybe not even a memory. Am i wrong? Am I way off base? Because I want you to set me straight if you think I am wrong. I want to know. I mean, I don't know anything, and I am the first to admit it." urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:happy_hour420:63517 2008-03-21T23:08:35Z 2008-03-21T23:08:35Z fuck, i really want to feel alive right now.<br />I want to go outside in the (newly!) spring air and scream a little.<br />i am excited to get my hands in the dirt.<br /><br />i want to be back in the sweat lodge. dripping in sweat from hot coals and cedar water. I want to rub the earth back into my skin&sit in heavy air.<br />i need something real in my life again, im becoming way too jaded and cynical.<br />bring me back to my feet.<br /><br />&as a side note...<br />if i hear the terms "kitsch" and "personal association" again, i might puke.<br /><br /><br />thanks. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:happy_hour420:63311 2008-03-01T01:12:43Z 2008-03-01T01:12:43Z i really need it to be warm again. winter definitely depresses me. Every year i idealize winter&picture it being filled with cute snowflakes, blankets, and cups of tea. That is never really quite how it feels. The cold weather makes me anxious and my whole body tightens up and sometimes i feel like i can't let go until spring is here. thankfully, it almost is.<br /><br />I feel like i have lost a lot of myself in these past 6-8 months. I'm not sure how i let it happen because when it all started i was at the height of my own happiness. I felt like i had this immense amount of clarity&sense of self then, and i'm not sure where it went. I was hoping to grow bigger but i definitely fell backwards a little bit. It isn't like things are terrible, it's just that i am in a point in my life where i know that they could be so much better&that i am really my only block at this point. I am falling to easily into what I find comfortable right now, instead of finding out what will really make me happy in the end.<br /><br />I know i can get back to where i need to me, I just have to allow myself the time and space. I need bring up my level of awareness and not just coast through the motions of daily living. <br /><br />school is amazing, i'm learning so much. I can't think of a place that would be better for me. I just need to step it up. There are so many opportunities here that would love to take advantage of. We have a metal shop, silk screening studio, and glass blowing ovens that i have yet discover. <br /><br />basically, i have no reason not to be happy right now. I need to clear my head&get my shit together. <br />it isn't going to be easy to get out of this fucking slump but i will.<br /><br /><br />i hope all is well with everyone. <br /><br />love to you all.<br />xo. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:happy_hour420:63131 2008-02-25T22:18:48Z 2008-02-25T22:18:48Z "and you know that feeling when the only person you want to talk to about shit, is the one person you can't talk to about shit. the one person you are in the shit with. and it's hard, you know that one person has been your best friend and your confidant & now you got nowhere to turn. you don't know where to go. you don't want to talk to anyone. they all sound like washed up middle-school guidance counselors. they don't know how it feels right now. they don't know how it feels to be waitin' at for the bus stop with your ipod on. the battery is dead, you're not even listening to music, you just don't want to talk to nobody. you got your sun glasses on, you just don't want to say shit. you're lying in bed, you didn't even realize the power went out, out didn't even realize when it went back on. your alarm clock is blinking midnight&you don't know what the fuck is up."<br />--jason anderson urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:happy_hour420:62843 2007-07-18T04:53:23Z 2007-07-18T04:53:23Z did this really just happen?<br />today was the official "michael f. dubois day of love", it was a suprise date.<br />he arrived at my house with a pink lily picked from his garden. I was taken on a mystery drive. We ended up at a tiny airport in marshfield where i learned he had rented a private plane for us to go up in. We are flying through the air, i look down and written on the ground , thousands of miles down, is "i love you." <br />if that wasnt enough, he later takes me out to a tiny ice cream shop. we sit there for a little while & talk. After we head to a beautiful beach, for what i find out is, a sunset walk. <br />He then takes me out to dinner to an amazing Japanese restaurant.<br />We come back to his house, he leads me upstairs to a room filled with candles, and pink roses. <br />he shows me a tiny box, and inside is a picture of a ring he specially ordered for me. The exact one that i lost on the beach last weekend on the cape.<br /><br />this excerpt didnt even give the date justice.<br />how did i find this?<br /><br />xo. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:happy_hour420:62700 2007-07-10T17:18:06Z 2007-07-10T17:26:42Z how is it possible that i am moving out in 7 weeks?<br /><br /><br />that reminds me, i should probably do some artwork. I don't think i remember how to draw &from the looks of it i am going to art school.<br />i should also read some books, i may have become illiterate over the past couple months.<br /><br /> i've been pretty happy lately. i'm not sure how much more quintessentially perfect things could be. <br /> <br />(i do miss cmh. i hope he's doing well.) <br /><br />xo. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:happy_hour420:62209 2007-06-13T04:32:43Z 2007-06-13T04:32:43Z this is so fucking hard. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:happy_hour420:62177 2007-05-09T00:43:10Z 2007-05-09T00:43:10Z what is even going on right now?<br /><br />i am not sure.<br />xo. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:happy_hour420:61923 2007-03-22T21:29:22Z 2007-03-22T21:29:22Z I GOT INTO MASSART!<br /><br />(!!!)<br /><br />oh my god!<br /><br />lovelovelove. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:happy_hour420:61545 2006-10-26T21:56:54Z 2006-10-26T21:56:54Z this year is a little crazy.<br /><br />i dont know where i want to go to school. I am not sure what i want to do. Im not sure what my priorities are. I am not sure what they should be. <br /><br />i miss my boyfriend a lot, i am glad i get to see him tomorrow&for most of the weekend. I hope things keep going the way they are. &i wish paranoia didnt run my life.<br /> <br />jealous is such a gross thing to be&i definitely embody it. <br /><br />i'd really love to sit quietly somewhere for a long time.<br /><br />thats it.<br /><br /><br />lovelovelove. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:happy_hour420:61281 2006-09-15T21:28:48Z 2006-09-15T21:28:48Z so, i wish when i was upset that my first instinct wasnt to smoke myself into oblivion.<br />and i wish that being upset did'nt mean throwing up uncontrollably.<br />this is obviously why i am so attractive.<br /><br />i feel fucking disgusting. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:happy_hour420:61180 2006-09-11T01:47:52Z 2006-09-11T01:47:52Z i basically spent this whole weekend at northeastern. hah.<br /><br />friday night i went out for indian food with gene the queen, which is always nice.<br />i love my gay boys.<br />saturday/saturday night i went and hung out at northeastern with conor. that was a pretty cute time. we were going to go to the tbs/treos show that everybody and their best friend went too, but didnt. we went to newbury instead, then hung out in the dorm. it was nice to see him one on one, and just see what things are like. hopefully things are getting better, because i miss how they were&not having to worry. we will see, i suppose.<br />sunday i went to the ..... red sox game? hahahahha.<br />so unlike me. conor's uncle gave him free tickets. it was actually pretty cute, and quite enjoyable. I am glad that the redsox won at my first game. it seemed like an essential bostonian experience.<br /><br />school tomorrow.<br />i actually really enjoy my classes for the most part.<br /><br />psychology<br />english (dr. mongeon.)<br />sculpture<br />AP art<br />french iv<br />env. sci<br />tech.<br /><br />pretty easy year, i hope.<br /><br /><br />i already cant wait for this summer.<br /><br /><br />i am done with change though, i want to be used to things.<br />i hate being unsure.<br /><br />i hate to admit, i love stability. i also hate to admit that needy i am for needy people.<br />its pretty sick, i should be happy for somebody who is independent.<br /><br /><br />lovelovelove to all!<br />xox. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:happy_hour420:60701 2006-08-27T03:38:46Z 2006-08-27T03:38:46Z i really wish i was joni mitchell.<br />she is basically my girlfriend.<br /><br />so, i have work tomorrow. hilary has a sort-of-real-job. i am not really sure what i will be doing, something for a catering business.<br />the job i had at the mental health clinic has been put on hold because the session ended, hopefully that will work out when school starts.<br /><br />i met some guy on the street today&we talked about life for 20 minutes. then i gave him six dollars. It was for some organization, i dont even really know what. A campaign for LaRouche? i dont know what he is running for, but the boy i talked to was passionate&i admire that. We talked about how big changes were in order for this world, and how it is completely out control that people have the mindset "mankind is too far gone, and its not worth fixing the inhumanity that goes on." i really dont understand what is more worth it. this is the world we live in, these are lives we are talking about.<br />i dont know.<br /><br />everything is impermanent.<br /><br /><br />i am kind of looking forward for school the start, i have come to realize that as much as i hate to admit it, routine is necessary in my life. I dont mind straying from routine, but i need something there that keeps me in check. <br /><br />lovelovelove. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:happy_hour420:60464 2006-08-24T23:07:19Z 2006-08-24T23:07:19Z i want to focus on acceptance, and in turn bettering my life.<br />learning to love all beings is my highest priority right now.<br /><br />i never realized how conditional love can be. How a lot of the time i will say how much i love something, and come to realize that i only love it because it loves me back, or gives me some sort of satisfaction. As soon as whatever it is that i feel i am giving love to decides to retract i feel betrayed. I don't understand that. If i love something should'nt i be able to accept its need to retract, even if i dont understand it? <br />i know its a pretty human way to react, but its definitely something i can work on&hopefully change.<br /><br />the lessons of buddha really amaze me, i definitely feel as though they have shaped my life. happiness is so accessible& i fully intend of pursuing it.<br /><br />i need to get ta stepping on summer reading. i still have all of othello& a little less than half of frankenstien. I wish that i had saved dorian gray for last because oscar wilde amazes me, and i could have finished that in about a day. I still have that french work to do. (tres lame.) and my project for NAHS. <br />will somebody force me at gun point to go to the NAHS meetings this year? i feel like a real douche for not being committed last year.<br /><br />also, will somebody please decide where i am applying to college? no, seriously. <br />the only place that i have been seriously considering is Suffolk/New England School of Art and Design. It might be kind of nice to have more than one option. I want my first year to be local, although lately ive been drawn to schools in chicago. I know for graduate school i want to go to Lesley for Art Therapy, but that is expensive&a waste of money for an undergraduate degree in my field since i'll need training in both psychology and art.<br /> <br />oh, and who is helping with freshman orientation for drama/GAPS? <br /><br />ps. bless you if you actually read all this because i bet it was killah boring.<br />hahha.<br /><br />lovelovelove! urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:happy_hour420:60412 2006-08-13T22:28:39Z 2006-08-13T22:28:39Z i am at my dads house right now. i wish i was home.<br />although im not sure why, i probably wouldnt be doing anything different.<br /><br />things can suck my ass right now, to be honest.<br />i need to learn how to get my shit together, this isnt how i want to feel&its up to me to change it. i cant change anybody elses mind, this is my life im living&as much as i would like to think otherwise, they have their own lives.<br /><br />i shouldnt allow somebody to make me feel this shitty, although i suppose it is a part of life. <br /><br />all i want in my life is happiness, and that is completely attainable but i need it to be stemming from myself. true happiness comes from oneself, anything from the outer world that makes you happy is impermanent. everything is impermanent.<br /><br />i want to be passionate, and i want you to know it.<br /><br />i need honesty in my life. i dont want somebody to fake it with me just because they think im fragile& they dont want to deal with the heartbreak. i would rather just know things than to live in question.<br /><br />this is angsty&im sorry.<br />but hey, im a teenage girl. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:happy_hour420:60139 2006-08-03T17:07:20Z 2006-08-03T17:07:20Z what the fuckkkk.<br />somebody go and see josh ritter with meeee!<br /><br /><br />pleaseeeeeeeeee. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:happy_hour420:59869 2006-08-02T17:30:56Z 2006-08-02T17:30:56Z i need to learn to take control.<br />i need to learn self-restraint.<br />i need to be decisive.<br />i need to learn to make myself happy, i cant always depend on others.<br />i need to learn to lose jealousy.<br />i need to learn how to gain self confidence.<br />i need to learn how to lose self confidence.<br />i need to learn that i dont always need to defend myself.<br />i dont always have to prove my worth to myself or anyone.<br />i need to learn not to be hypocritical.<br />i need to learn to trust.<br />i need to learn not to trust too much.<br />i need to learn how to let down my guard.<br />i need to learn how to build up a better guard.<br />i need to learn to become less judge mental.<br />i need to learn to stay positive.<br />i need to learn how to keep in mind the negative.<br />i need to learn to be objective.<br />i need to learn that not everything stays.<br />i need to learn to accept change.<br />i need to learn how to make friends.<br />i need to learn how to keep friends.<br />i need to learn to recognize things while they happen.<br />i need to keep my eyes open.<br />i need to be present in my own life.<br />i need to open.<br />i need to learn to not take things for granted.<br />i need to take only what is offered.<br />i need to learn to protect myself.<br />i need to learn to protect others.<br />i need to learn to say what needs to be said.<br />i need to learn that sometimes confrontation is necessary.<br />i need to learn that sometimes it is not.<br />i need to learn how to introduce love into others lives.<br />i need to learn how to accept love into mine.<br />i need to learn that people dont always think the same way i do.<br />i need to learn to help people.<br />i need to learn to be approachable.<br />i need to learn to prioritize.<br />i need to learn to become more clear.<br />i need to learn to stand up straight.<br />i need to learn the hard way.<br /><br /><br />sometimes i think i have all this down, and then other times it just falls apart.<br />this is a reminder to myself.<br />more or less just something that i needed to write down.<br /><br />i hope all is well for everybody.<br /><br />ps. please call me to hang out.<br />1617.595.0183<br /><br /><br />lovelovelove. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:happy_hour420:59426 2006-07-29T18:01:36Z 2006-07-29T18:01:36Z so.<br /><br />rosh ritter this thursday! 5:30 at copley! its free!<br />pleaseeeeeeeeee, go!<br />becca is a maybe?<br />shana, are you guys still thinking about it?<br /><br />anybody.<br />hahaha.<br />i really want to go, he amazes me.<br /><br /><br />love. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:happy_hour420:59383 2006-07-25T23:30:35Z 2006-07-25T23:30:35Z does anybody want to go to see josh ritter with me in boston on aug. 3rd?<br />its free!<br />somebody somebody!<br /><br /><br />xo. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:happy_hour420:58837 2006-07-06T13:49:44Z 2006-07-06T13:49:44Z i am home from ims.<br />conor came to pick us up.<br />brittany fell asleep in the car, we thought she died.<br />but dont you worry, she didnt.<br />&lt;3!<br /><br />ims was nice. it was nice to get away and be with myself awhile. the energy and enviorment are beautiful. there are a few people that i wish i got to know better, but i was definitely able to open up to more people than last time. being there gave be a chance to recover from and embrace parts of my life that i hadnt been able to before. it gave me time to answer some important questions, and validate relationships. <br />more on that later, maybe.<br /><br />i am happy to be home. i missed my lovely friends& boyfriend.<br /><br />thank you to the lovely conor micheal hutchinson, i have strep throat.<br />i am not completely certain yet if i do, but its pretty much an impossibility that i dont.<br />miracles happen?<br /><br />i am excited about going to the cape.<br />if you have any interest in a beach day in truro during the 9th-16th, call my cell phone.<br />if i dont answer, its because i dont get service. ahahha.<br />but hopefully i will.<br /><br />love love love. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:happy_hour420:58434 2006-06-30T15:45:29Z 2006-06-30T15:45:29Z off to ims.<br />(i hope it doesnt rain.)<br />i come back on the fourth, ill be home for a couple hours..<br />then off to boston for the rest of the week.<br />leave for the cape on the 8th.<br />ptown for a few days to hear mliss play.<br />i'll stay til the 16th-ish,&come home with conor.<br /><br />the rest of the summer i am free.<br /><br />love love love. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:happy_hour420:58168 2006-06-27T21:05:20Z 2006-06-27T21:05:20Z dear world,<br />school is over&you all know that. <br />i am at my dads house right now, but i will be back home tonight.<br />i babysit the most beautiful children i have ever seen in my life.<br />their names are roshnii and maegra& they are 7 and 8.<br />they tell me amazing stories of how they accidentely lock themselves in bathrooms in singapore and need locksmiths to get them out.<br />i am leaving for the meditation retreat with brittany on friday.<br />it will be nice not having to talk for a few days.<br />a few days after i come home i am leaving for the cape.<br />im not sure how long i will be there. (a week-ish, unless i feel like staying.)<br />conor is going to come and stay with me for a weekend, that will be nice.<br />i am excited.<br /><br />i miss friends.<br />i wish i wass closer to the ones i have.<br />& i wish i had more.<br /><br />lets hang out this summer, more likely than not i miss you.<br />i'll probably even write you love letters.<br /><br />kiss kiss.<br />(hilary.) urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:happy_hour420:58044 2006-06-14T21:51:29Z 2006-06-14T21:51:29Z so im going on this buddhist meditation retreat june 30-july 4 with the lovely brittany sullivan.<br /><br />we dont have a ride home, if you have no plans for july 4th and want to pick us up/hang out with us it would be utterly amazing.<br /><br />i will repay you in sexual favors and/or gas money.<br /><br /><br />we are really really really desperate.<br />& i love you.<br /><br />help a sista out.<br /><br /><br />xo. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:happy_hour420:57728 2006-02-07T21:31:53Z 2006-02-07T21:31:53Z today, there were 4 people caught with coke, on O.D. and a lot of talk about the upcoming courtcases for that bust of a party last weekend.<br />(the gossip mill is finally turning again.)<br />oh, suburbia.<br />the home of upper-middle class children who have nothing to do & nowhere to be on the weekends.<br />im glad that this isnt me.<br />i have a rule, if im going to do drugs.. the are going to be organic.<br />sorry, im not fond of putting testtube chemicals inside of myself.<br />(even though im well aware there are plenty of side affects of my own poisons of choice.)<br />thats what im saying atleast, following through is always the bitch.<br /><br />harley and diana are coming home tonight, im petty excited about that.<br />6months is far too long to go without seeing your brother/best friend.<br />then, in 10 days im flying out to california to stay at their house. that should be fun, i really want to go to mexico while im there.<br /><br />a lot of las weekend was spent cleaning my aunts house for her, so thait is bacteria-free when she gets out of the hospital. im pretty nervous about that, because the slightest thin could send her into a deahly condition. we had to rip upall the rugs, put down hardwood floors, repaint all the walls, and sterlize everything which bleach. like, everything down to the pens on her desk, and bleaching the outside of the bottles of bleach before we pu them back. hah.<br />im just worried, she&my grandmother are pretty much my biggst role models. seeing our grandmother cry is the hardest thing on earth.<br />ive decided to be optimistic though.<br /><br />my grades in eglish in math... to put it buntly.<br />blow.<br />hhahah.<br />we'll see how that goes.<br /><br />prom?who needs it.<br />i dont know if im going.<br />i dont want a bloodbath via ari.<br />if i do go, im conemplating wearing jeans.<br />hahahahha.<br />im not sure why, i love dressing up.<br />probably just because the idea o prm is rather attrocious,and sometimes id rather not feed into it.<br /><br />i adore my boyfriend these days.<br /><br />the end.